White people have long since enjoyed the mid-summer's escape that is the water park. There really is nowhere better for parents to take their ivory offspring, than a crowded, bacteria ridden island oasis, filled with other thrill seeking pale birds.
Somewhere in the lineage of brilliant white ideas came the water park. Ah yes, the plot of land usually situated in a rural area (where the white species typically thrives) filled with poorly maintained, four-story high slides that lead into warm, stagnant, and usually unsupervised tubs of water. Route to the top? A 20 minute queue on egregiously unsupported, wet wooden stairs that feature the ability to sway in the slightest of breezes, with gaps in-between each step and loose railings.
Each park features one slide that challenges the laws of physics and has a name like "Shotgun Falls" or "The Plummet". And upon a recent trip to one of these Aqua Orgies (with 7 drunk white friends, even safer!) I saw a small, unsupervised child, not larger than a medium sized backpack, preparing to take the plunge down one of these gravity rockets that guides riders, who must sit straight back with legs straight (not crossed!) and their hands behind their heads, who are not (deep breath), pregnant, handicapped, disabled, fat, drunk, high, lactating, suffering from heart disease, midget, deaf, dumb, blind, or asian- into a not quite deep enough pool below. Safe.
Sit like this, oh and don't let your unsupervised, Jansport sized child on it
The lucky few will make it to the bottom for a refreshing splash of over-chlorinated water
Ahh, but despite all the obvious safety concerns at these parks, they do have their strong points. For instance, throw a terrorist into one, and by the end of their first ride they will be giggling their diaper wearing heads off, ready to stop the Jihad. "Osama, we got it all wrong, the Americans had it right the whole time. Let's build water parks in Dubai."
That's probably not 3 inches of urine on the ground
So, water parks, global deterrent in the fight against terrorism? Possibly. How white people get hurt? Definitely.
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